Change can happen in families and within ourselves. Join the movement: You can reach out to a loved one, have a great conversation, and end by saying Good Talk. Take charge of your circumstances and find satisfaction in your family life.
Family Communication Expert
Helping adult children & their families flourish in relationship
Are you an adult daughter dreaming of a positive and happy relationship with your mom or dad? You’re not alone. The truth is that these interactions take work. Whether you’re a young adult or entering a later phase of life, we can all benefit from flourishing family time.
Who is this for?
- Women who want more help with the work of family.
- Daughters looking to “do it right” as parents are aging.
- Family members seeking connection with their treasured loved ones.
Meet Dr. Alford
Dr. Alford earned an MA and PhD in Interpersonal and Family Communication Studies from The University of Texas at Austin. She’s a professor, writer, thinker, mom, wife, and adult daughter. And she can help you find the answers to some of the most challenging issues families face. Dr. Alford has spent years researching how adult children and their parents can interact more effectively for improved wellbeing and connection. Click below to find out more about her articles, research, podcast, and books.
Dr. Alford in the Media
The Atlantic (2023)
“But so it is with eldest daughters: Although not all of them are naturally conscientious or eager to kin-keep, our cultural understanding of family roles ends up shaping the expectations many feel the need to rise to. The people describing “eldest-daughter syndrome” are probably all deeply different, but talking about what they share might make their burdens feel a little lighter. And the best-case scenario, Alford told me, is that families can start renegotiating what daughtering looks like—which should also take into account what eldest daughters want for themselves.”
TheSkimm (2023)
“How to “treat” eldest daughter syndrome. Ask for validation. “People just want to be noticed, want to be seen, and want to be valued,” says Alford. If that resonates with you, try gently reminding your family of your efforts and asking for more recognition from them. “
NewsNation (2023)
“In her research, Alford refers to “daughtering” as the active way daughters relate to and care for parents and explores the often overlooked role of daughters in mother-daughter relationships.“It’s that purposeful work that helps relationships flourish but often goes uncredited as work, even by daughters themselves, in part because the efforts are wrapped in misleading language and society hasn’t adopted a lexicon specifically for daughtering,” said Alford.
Baylor Press Release (2023)
“Daughtering involves such “invisible labor” as planning and organizing family events, resolving conflicts, acting as a buffer with other family members, preparing for the future and more—with the intent of supporting important family relationships, Alford said. With dashes of “mental load” and “adulting,” thrown in the mix, adult children are engaging in effortful and intense relationship-building, from which they usually benefit in the form of familial support and love.”
Die Zeit (2024)
“[Daughters] take care of their parents long before they became old and needy,” [Alford] says. “They organize family celebrations, they help find a doctor, they keep in touch – and they keep their mouths shut when it is beneficial to family peace.”
Relevant Research
- Alford, A. M., & Melton, K. (Fall 2023). The hidden value of daughtering by adult daughters and its costs during COVID-19. Family Focus, National Council on Family Relations (NCFR). https:/
/ www. ncfr. org/ ncfr-report/ fall-2023/ hidden-value-daughtering-adult-daughters-covid19 - Alford, A. M. (2021). Doing daughtering: an exploration of adult daughters’ constructions of role portrayals in relation to mothers. Communication Quarterly, 69(3), 215-237. https:/
/ doi. org/ 10. 1080/ 01463373. 2021. 1920442 - Alford, A. M., & Marko-Harrigan, M. (2019). Role expectations and role evaluations in daughtering: Constructing the Good Daughter. Journal of Family Communication, 19(4), 348-361. https:/
/ doi. org/ 10. 1080/ 15267431. 2019. 1643352 - Alford, A. M., & Miller-Day, M. (Eds.) (2019). Constructing Motherhood and Daughterhood Across the Lifespan. Peter Lang. https:/
/ . Volume 14 in T. Socha (Ed.) series Lifespan communication: Children, families, and aging.doi. org/ 10. 3726/ b10841
Podcast
Hello Mother, Hello Daughter
The adult mother-daughter relationship can be incredibly close and fulfilling as well as potentially frustrating, complicated, and hurtful. Each week our communication experts, Dr. Allison Alford and Dr. Michelle Miller-Day, explore contemporary issues of adult mother-daughter relationships. Learn new ways to think about your mother-daughter relationship and listen until the end of each episode for tips every week!
Buy My Book
Constructing Motherhood and Daughterhood Across the Lifespan (Peter Lang, 2019)
“Overall, this book is rich with insights that are easily accessible and clear about the way communication functions to yield a better understanding of the mother-daughter relationship.”
Sandra Petronio, IUPUI
Are you a professor looking for a textbook for a course on mothers and daughters? Look no further! This edited volume includes a semester-long syllabus and weekly discussion questions with each chapter. Suitable for undergraduates, this book makes course-planning and interaction a breeze. Bring new family communication topics to your college or university with this lifespan look at the family roles of mother and daughter.
The Daughtering Agency
Substack
Find topics related to family relationships in adulthood, including tips to decrease conflict and find flourishing in your family life!